Trying to piece it all together…

Remembering when I was young, how I loved to sit in a rocking chair, all padded and cozy, and listen to music that my mom played on the record player! There’s an old Burt Bacherach song that comes to mind, now and again: “What’s it all about, Alfie?” “Is it just for the moment we live?” The song was written for a movie way back when in the 60’s called ‘Alfie’. The words come to mind: “What’s it all about, when you sort it out, Alfie?” “Are we meant to take more than we give? Or are we meant to be kind?” “And if only fools are kind, Alfie, then I guess it’s wise to be cruel.” “And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie, What will you lend on an old golden rule…”

This was a long time ago, when I would ponder the question, “What’s it all about?” And to tell you honestly, I didn’t even know what the ‘golden rule’ was. But it was in that rocking chair , as a young girl, that I also sat and listened to the soundtrack ‘A Chorus Line’ from the Broadway musical after my parents had made a NYC trip so many years ago.

Do you know that just listening to that soundtrack propelled a lot of  the direction for  my every waking breath and motivation for years to come? Dance classes, vocal lessons…and ultimately forgoing a college education and auditioning for school at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. I didn’t know anything really about God, but I so ‘believed’ in Him. Somehow, God used His ‘sky’ to keep drawing me. Literally, His sky! I would look at the amazing beauty of the sky, the clouds, the brightness of the blue, the stars at night…for me, the ‘heavens declared the glory of God’ to me. But I would look into that vast blue and ask, “What’s it all about?” And the song continues… (the Alfie song), “As sure as I believe there’s a heaven above, Alfie, I know there’s something much more, Something even non-believers can believe in, I believe in love,..”

Crazy, but of all songs that I continually worked on through school, it was “What I did for love” from ‘A Chorus Line’. Yes, that was my audition song. Imagine, this was the song I sang over and over again:  “Kiss today good-by, the sweetness and the sorrow. We did what we had to do. But I can’t regret, What I did for love, what I did for love…” and it builds in the chorus: Gone,
Love is never gone. As we travel on…Love’s what we’ll remember… “Kiss today good-by, And point me toward tomorrow. We did what we had to do. Won’t forget, can’t regret, What I did for love… what I did for love.

So, today, I’m piecing it all together, just for myself …

So, I came to know Love. After struggling so long in my own skin with an eating disorder and amazing insecurity problems, (oh the mess we can be on the inside, even though the outside looks like everything is in order!) I gave God my life, I grew to know His Son whom He had sent, and He gave me so,so,so much life back. He gave me a husband, He gave me a child, then He gave me children,

then He gave me His comfort in His word, He gave me His direction when I needed it, He gave me His strength in my greatest times of weakness,

and He gave me His presence in my greatest times of fear, He gave me His love and assurance when my whole world came crashing down, He gave me hope when there seemed to be no hope, He gave me friends to adore Him with,

He gave me the piece to the puzzle, one piece at a time…

“What’s it all about? when you sort it out?…well, for me, it’s about my Love. And I will fail Him often, but He is faithful still. My righteousness has nothing to do with my messed up flesh, it’s about my faith in Him! That’s what it’s all about, Alfie…

And everything I did  and ‘do’ for Love – for my husband to ‘ love and to cherish, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer,’till death do us part’;

for my children to ‘bear all things, to believe all things, (the best in them always), to hope all things’ for them in Christ, who is Love (and loves them even more than their mama does), and to endure all things (with them) and believe always and teach them always ’till my last breath, that…God’s love never fails. (1 Cor. 13).

What’s it all about? Is it just for the moment we live? No, moments come and go…but God, He is love. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the One who has gone before, and gave Himself for us. What’s it all about?

It’s about believing that God is who He says He is! So, I looked up that old song, ‘Alfie’ and guess what it says: I believe in love, Alfie, Without true love we just exist, Alfie. Until you find the love you’ve missed you’re nothing, Alfie.

I believe in Love. There is none like God’s love. None in all the world.

 I believe and today?…well, “Kiss today good-bye, the sweetness and the sorrow…and I won’t regret what I did for Love,What I did for Love.”And I won’t regret anything I give to the One who loves me most. Putting Him First, I lose nothing at all. Death to myself to love my husband and my kids is impossible for me, but with Him all things are possible!

Today Lord, I want to give you it all, (and there is a lot of ‘self’ in that!). For this New Year Lord, I trust You, fill me, fill me with Your LOVE. I so lack love, Lord! God, in the end, You will piece it all together, if I just remember what it’s all about:“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”(1Cor. 13:13).



Author: tonirypkema

Wife to 1, mother of 11, daughter of 1. "The most amazing woman in the world." -Jared (son)

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