this mama’s letter never changes…

I wrote, ‘A letter to my children this Christmas’ 5 years ago. This letter unveils a lot of mystery, and it’s the same through the ages, ‘A letter to my children this Christmas’ too:

There is a lot of mystery – even in family – but I would like to unravel some of it for you. You see, I grew up with ONLY the fairy tales. I grew up with the ‘fingers’ crossed’ and the blown up Easter Bunny and Santa Clause coming to town, and also the tooth fairy – but the fears and the insecurities and then anger rooted itself so deep in me that there was no way out.

All the ‘believing’ I was doing was only in things like ‘vapor in a cloud’ so to speak. When I reached for what I thought had substance to hold on to, it would simply vanish into thin air.

I moved far away from my home in Arizona, all the way to NYC, and the ‘mess’ that was inside me was working its way to destroy every bit of life in me. The ‘mess’ manifested itself in an eating disorder. My life became unmanageable.

I wasn’t seeking God. I never thought about God – but He knew me and He was watching me. When I was younger, I wanted to be close to God, but, it was just in my mind. I never took hold of Him with my heart. I was 17 inches away from relationship with Love.

So, in a ‘mess of desperation’, one dark and dreary day…and I’m not talking about the levels of sunshine in the weather, I walked into a room filled with people with the same struggles and I read a poster on the wall – with only one word: GOD.

(Now this is a mystery), the one written word, “GOD”, was the beginning of the rest of my life. You see, I needed something that had substance to hold on to with my whole being – all the other ‘stuff’ I was leaning on was just ‘vapor’.

I knew I needed help. And somehow, on that dark and dreary day, I realized ‘GOD’ had ‘rolled back the clouds that I might see the Light. I went and bought The Book at the local bookstore…

He, (meaning God), drew me to Himself. And through time, He, (yes God), healed me completely. He saved me from the ‘self-destructive’ path I was on. He unveiled Himself as I hungered for His Word, the Bible – and He, Yes God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ – He raised me up out of a pit and set my feet upon a Rock.

Jesus gave me my life back after I gave Him the mess that was left of it.

So, that is why, when we had our first baby, we chose to spend time on giving you something that you could REALLY hope in and believe in. To hope and believe in God, because He is real!

And it is ONLY because of Him and the work that He had done in our hearts and lives that we had more, (OK, and more and more…) children! So kids – you are here – because JESUS was our substance, (your dad and I, and He still is!) Past, present and prayerfully, future! Jesus is the One we put our hope in everyday.

So, if you ever wonder WHY we didn’t spend time, (any time, for that matter,) on the tooth fairy or Santa Clause, (and it seems like a great mystery to you), at least now you know. I wanted to spend time and energy on the ‘unspoken’ stories about God. I wanted you to know the truth that I didn’t know when I was young, so perhaps you would be spared some of the ‘struggle’.

But God allows the ‘struggle’, I can see now. He wants you to discover Him for yourself, in a whole different way.

He knows you. God knows your name. He cares for you. His love and His power and His might, they will never vanish away. His phone is never busy. He is always there for you when you call out His name:

(Jeremiah 33:3), “Call unto Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you know not of.”

He is the Creator of all things. He has a plan for you… (Jeremiah 29:11), ‘Plans not to harm you,  but to give you a future and a hope.’

“Nothing is impossible with God. And nothing will ever separate you from His love. He loves…He is love.

So call His name this new year, with each new month, each new day, each new hour. God loves you so much, and He looks forward to your times to-gether!

I love you all so much, and Jesus loves you most. I just want you to know that forever. I am so blessed to be called… your mom.

P.S. (So, forgive me if you ever feel that you ‘lost out’ at Christmas or when your teeth fell out! God is bigger than all that! I pray  that in knowing Jesus, you can share a beautiful smile and His love beams through your life so you can have a giving heart as big as Santa Clause!)



Author: tonirypkema

Wife to 1, mother of 11, daughter of 1. "The most amazing woman in the world." -Jared (son)

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